Oregon Militia Receives Ridiculous Gifts

After a group of armed protesters took over a United States wildlife refuge in Oregon, they turned to the public in the hopes of receiving much needed supplies. Desperate to make it through the harsh winter, the protesters expected that they would receive food rations, warm clothing and other emergency equipment. Instead, they were gifted with packages containing various adult pleasure toys and glitter.

On January 2nd, armed occupiers took control of buildings at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. The takeover represented the latest conflict regarding the American government’s control over land in the western regions of the country. Facing a shortage of snacks, fuel and warm clothing, the occupiers released a local mailing address to the public in the hopes that they would receive some much-needed support.

When the group went to display their gifts online, they were embarrassed and enraged to find that the packages that had been sent contained little more than sex toys and different colors of sparkly glitter. Now, not only is the outraged group still hungry and cold, they are baffled as to why people would go out of their way to humiliate them.

Occupier Jon Ritzheimer said in a Facebook video that featured an impressively large pleasure toy and bag of genital-shaped candy, “It was really mind-blowing to me that people would actually spend their money on all this hateful stuff to send out to us. It’s really ridiculous. We’re going to continue to do work and do good for our country. We’re not going to be deterred.”

The occupiers are planning for a long standoff with federal officials, who have mostly just sat back and watched from a distance. The situation has been largely followed on Twitter, where the protestors have been given nicknames, such as #YallQaeda and #VanillaISIS.

In addition to pleasure toys and glitter, the group has also received other useful items such as uniquely scented perfumes, nail polish, pedicure socks and a 55 gallon container of lubricant.

But besides trolls with some extra spending money, the Malheur occupiers have also enraged other groups, most notably regional birdwatchers and wildlife photographers who have been unable to enjoy the wildlife refuge. One bold birdwatcher sent an open letter to the group, warning them that they are being watched.

The angry birdwatcher wrote, “You will never see us, but we and our cameras will always see you. We will #takebackmalheur from you terrorists, and will not rest until every one of you thugs and poachers is behind bars where they belong.”

It has not been reported as to whether or not the genital shaped candies have been providing the protesters with proper sustenance.

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